The Blogging Parlour

I think I have some biscuit crumbs down my trousers.

A Letter to the Editor, Rock Paper Shotgun.


Historical Note: Alec Meer of Rock Paper Shotgun posted an amusing breakdown of the emails received by RPS daily, and I thought I’d share one of my many letters to the Editor.

Surely my Letters to the Editor should be in there somewhere.

Dear Sir(s) or, conceivably, Madam,

I note with dissatisfaction that yesterday’s article, “And Homeworld Went To… Gearbox?” quotes Gearbox extensively but has precisely zero column-inches devoted to the Grambly Gentlemens’ Homeworld Club, one of Britain’s foremost Homeworld-related country institutions and proud possessor of the largest and most potentially deadly brunch buffet in the civilised world.

Our golf course, modeled on Homeworld 1 Mission 8, “The Garden of Kadesh”, is considered to be one of the world’s finest PC game-related greens, with cunningly wrought gas fields for golfers to harvest and endless, unrelenting swarmer hazards from the third hole onwards.

Why, it was just last October that we had our well-received re-enactment of Mission 3, “Return to Kharak”, when the members, bedecked in our yellow-and-red regalia, rode servants to joust with croquet mallets in the spirit of corvette dogfighting over the burning world while our five-man miniature orchestra struggled manfully to play a passable (but still heartbreaking) rendition of Barber’s Adagio for Strings.

It is the shameful lack of appreciation for the more gentlemanly aspects to this great pastime of ours that damns Rock Paper Shotgun to mediocrity barely ahead of its competition and leaves me little choice but to seek my PC games news from Equestria Daily.

Yrs. Sncr. &c,

Incandescently Furious of Umbrage Wells*

*His Nibs, Arbuthnot Cuthbert “Custard” Smingleigh, R.N., B.Sci, OBE (withdrawn)


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