The Hard Sell
Warriors! Hear my sales-roar!
Is your laptop too unwieldy in battle? Does your iPhone bounce off the foreheads of your enemies without leaving a mark? Does your Galaxy Tab snap like a Ferengi spine when you try to block a dk’tagh thrust? YOU WEAK P’TAQ!
STORM your local electronic retailer and DEMAND a Razer’s Edge. Its computing power will allow you to lay waste to your enemies in battle-simulations such as Dishonored and DotA 2, while its sleekly curved outer surface has been BATTLE TESTED ON THE SKULLS OF ROMULANS! Chancellor Martok himself used one to slay a Jem’Hadar in single combat WHILE DOMINATING HIM SIMULTANEOUSLY IN TEAM FORTRESS 2.
What are you waiting for? The Feast of Kahless? You dishonour your father with your delay! You will face him after death in Sto’Vo’Kor! Buy, or I will kill you myself!