A Manned Mission to Mun – From Ignorance to Enlightenment via Fear: Part Eight
Well, that didn’t go well.
Bon Voyage I: Failure to launch. The rocket had a thrust-to-weight ratio more commonly associated with elephants, and flew roughly as far as the typical unassisted elephant does.
Bon Voyage II: The Wrath of Gravity Reached the heady height of 20km before arcing gracefully downward. Crew was very grateful for the Re-Entry Survivability Optimizer, which brought the pod down a few miles out in the ocean.
Bon Voyage III: Bon Voyage III shall forever be known as The Bon Voyage Disaster or the Jebediah Kerman Memorial Explosion. Accidentally fired the Secondary Kerbin Relinquishment Booster explosive bolts while the boosters were still active. Four suddenly freed solid rocket boosters passed through the command pod on their way off to destinations unknown. There were no survivors. The remains of Bill Kerman and Bob Kerman were recovered with a spoon and buried in a matchbox. No sign of any remains of Jebediah Kerman were found. He is presumed vaporized. The recovered parts of the rocket have been melted down and minted into a series of commemorative coins bearing the distinctive likeness of Jebediah Kerman conquering space.
Bon Voyage IV: The Voyage Home: Mission reached orbit, took one look at the fumes in the tank, and deorbited. Crew currently awaiting trial for cowardice after splashing down safely
Bon Voyage V: Currently in cis-Munar orbit. Likely to stay there until the sun becomes a cold, dead cinder. The ship is “bingo fuel”, so it has been declared the first High Orbit Research Station. Most of the research consists of seeing how long it takes for them to go stark raving nuts. Experts have yet to draw a distinction between “stark raving nuts” and “volunteered for the Kerbal Space Program”. Secondary research topics include “what color does a Kerbal turn when the oxygen runs out?” and “Radiation – How good is it for Kerbals?”.
Bon Voyage VI: A super-lightweight version of the Bon Voyage Munar Module was mounted on a stripped down version of the original Bon Voyage Launch Vehicle, which was then mounted on top of as many solid rocket boosters as could be found on short notice. Lit the blue touchpaper and stood well back. The mission was aborted after the solid rockets overheated, but fortunately the Munar Ascent Enablers (reconditioned Sepatron SRBs) carried the pod to a semi-safe distance before what is widely considered by Mission Control and the media to be the best explosion since Bon Voyage III.